Your Wedding

When you were born you were a surprise.  Back then when pregnant we had no idea what we were having except for the guesses from old wives tales.

I wanted a girl so badly.  I had a boy, I left my husband feeling it was the best decision before your birth.  Times were rough but I felt so lucky when I had you.  I had a boy and a girl each.  Two precious ones to keep me going when I doubted my decsions.

There are great plans to make as your children grow up.  School functions from kindergarten to high school graduation.  Sixteenth birthdays and getting their drivers license.  Enlisting in the service. Sports and cheerleading but with a daughter it's her wedding day.

I always thought of ways we would plan.  Go to pick your gown, make party favors, design invitations, announcements and thank yous.  Make your center pieces, bake a cake, pick a banquest hall and figure different ways to decorate.  Work with your wedding party and just plan one of the most important days of your life.  To give the daughter I loved and raised away to the man she would make a life and family with.

The day came when you became engaged.  Soon after a wedding date and I was so excited for you.  I was ready to plan.  We picked your dress.  You were so beautiful.  I had discussed with your step-father to surprise you by paying off the balance.  It was done already.  I had called you with ideas and I always heard you'd get back to me.  I would hear later how you picked a soloist for the wedding or had chosen a banquest hall.  I would hear later about the flowers and the cake.  I would hear where the shower would be.  It was always after the decisions were made I would hear what would be.

How left out I felt.  How hurt I felt.  I had never felt so left out of anything, It was like I never on your mind or ever existed..  I wanted to walk you down the aisle but that was not my place. 

When I danced with you I told you how happy I was for you.  You became upset and told me not to start.  You did not was to cry and mess up your make-up.  You did not even enjoy your reception complaining about those that did not come after the money you had spent.

I cried the whole drive home.  I was so hurt and unhappy.  We were so close as you grew up.  What had I done?  What had I created? How had I failed?